Relentless mothering

I think one of the hardest things to adjust to in motherhood are the hours. In a normal job you get time off, lunch breaks, start and finish times - but not this job. 

And it's hard. You know when you're working on a tough project and you need to put it down for a while, walk away and come back when you're refreshed and ready to go? Yeah you can't do that with a baby. There's no "do something else until you're back on track" - you just gotta keep going. Every minute of every day. With the promise that one day they apparently sleep through the night - like, all of it. Not just from 2am to 6am (omg imagine?!) 

Unrelated pic but I think Eva's expression sums up how I feel today 

It's not that Eva isn't awesome, cos she truly is. But I'M not always awesome. In fact sometimes I would just like to spend the day under a duvet: grieving, eating, re-energising for my next burst of 'ok-i-got-this'. Ready to be good enough to be her mum again. But it doesn't work like that. 

I'm writing this as I'm sat in the car because Eva is actually asleep in the back. She's teething so her volume has gone up a few (hundred) decibels today and now she makes this constant, high-pitched squealing sound whenever she's awake - which is just lovely. 


And drinking milk - which she was already pretty shit at - has become virtually impossible. So it's midday (could be midnight, who even knows anymore?) And I'm catching a re-energising moment in my car before the dash indoors inevitably wakes her up and we get round two of "OWWWWWWWWW".

To be fair to the gorgeous little munchkin, teething must be bloody painful and if I had brand new teeth sprouting through I'd probably be a lot more of a prick than she is. She's relatively happy considering the butchering going on in her gums!

Still, at least we're not in a global pandemic where everything is shut down so I can take a break in the pub for a few hours with my mates to let off some steam at some point... Oh wait. 

The stupid thing is, I'd probably get to the pub and want to be home with Eva straight away. It would just be nice to have the option. And a little re-energising break with some other adults. I guess my quick yoga session while she (/if she ever) naps will have to do! 

Fellow parents, let's just keep fucking going. May their naps be long and our showers be undisturbed ✌️

Ps. Covid needs to fuck off now, seriously. For all the reasons. 

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