Things do get better

While I was drowning in the depths of new motherhood, a couple of mum friends promised me "it does get better" as I limped through the sleepless nights with a growing list of mental health struggles. 

And do you know what? It did. It did get better.
How is my beautiful baby nearly 6 months old? 

Not that those early days with Eva weren't precious. But with some more medication, meditation and a great support network - the fog of PND and PNA did lift and it it did get better. 

Eva is nearly 6 months old and is the light of my life. Of course mum guilt, worries and stress is still very much a part of my life but we are all thriving now and settling into our new world.

Eva is smiling, giggling, rolling over and bringing so much joy into our lives. 

Eva is such a smily, happy baby

I know the insanity that was 2020 brought mostly fucknamis of hell for everyone so I feel extra blessed with my beautiful baby. 

We chose Eva's name because it means "to give life" - and after an excessive amount of loss, heartache, devastation, confusion and general emotional turmoil, this little ray of sunshine has really "given life". She's brought so much joy and has been teaching me all the beautiful things about life since the moment of her dramatic arrival. And without going too social-media-mum-cliche in this monologue, she's pretty fucking cool and the overwhelming terror of being a mum is finally subsiding enough to actually be quite great.

 Eva loves to sit on her bum and chat (I wonder where she gets that from?!) 

Don't get me wrong, she's still a sleep-thieving, impossible-to-feed, baby mystery and her shit certainly does NOT smell of roses. But she's a chubby little reminder that life is fragile and precious, and every second is a gift. 

Who fucking knows what 2021 will bring. The way things are going it'll probably involve a zombie apocalypse with Harold Shipman as prime minister but whatever fuckery is ahead, I do feel lucky to still be here to experience whatever thefuck it is. A very wise woman (ahem Sister ahem) said that the only truth is that nothing stays the same. So I'm going to try to enjoy the good bits in the here and now. And just keep fucking going. 

Loads of love to you all and Happy New Year 💜✌️

If you are a new mum and are struggling, please talk to someone. A friend, a doctor - anyone - just reach out. 

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